Things I used to do before I practiced
Canadian World Cup Gold Medalist,
Intuitive Awareness Life Coach
Yoga Teacher &
I wasn't always Awake & Aware...
Nope! I spent the majority of my early adult lift trying to show the world how great I was, how valuable I was, and why everyone should like me.
I did this, because deep down, I had a deep seeded belief that love must be earned and that I must sacrifice my energy, opinions and well-being for the sake of those I loved.
Now, don't get me wrong, I was a World Cup Athlete, skiing for Canada. I was fit, winning gold medals, travelling the world, and had good looking men begging for my phone number everywhere I went...
Sounds rough doesn't it? From the outside looking in, I was a rockstar. But from the inside looking out, I saw myself as unsuccessful, ugly, and nothing special. So everyday I would go out, ski my hardest, train, be the best in hopes that someone who see me and notice how amazing I was...
That was until February 2006 when I missed qualifying for my place on the Canadian Olympic team for the Torino Games.
In one swift moment, my entire life's work was over. I was a failure. I was a loser. I lost my identity. I lost my everything...
Who would ever love me now?
The funny thing about losing your identity, you know, the labels you give yourself and attach subjective meaning too, and spend your life trying to live up to your own standard of the label, is that... You believe your life is over.
Have you ever felt that way before? Like you've lost your purpose and there is nowhere left to go? Maybe this happened over night (like in my case), or maybe it's happened to you in a "slow drip" fashion where little by little, something is chipping away at your soul and now you don't even recognize yourself in the mirror anymore. Who am i?
After I missed the Olympics, I got myself in some serious trouble. I won't bother you with all the details, but let's talk about this highlights shall we? First of all, I made a VOW that I would never to another squat again, or go to the gym. I drank alcohol every single day. I smoked cigarettes. I ate non-stop. I gained 85lbs in one year. I got into an abusive marriage. I got myself into unbreathable debt AND I hated my body and my life.
From ROCKSTAR to ROCKBOTTOM...
I spent over 5 years punishing myself, believing I failed at life and subsequently dragged my past along with me everywhere I went. It was a heavy and dark time. I was depressed beyond my ability to understand. I was ashamed. I was tormented. I was surrounded by abuse, both from myself and my ex-husband... I was miserable.
Then one day I looked in the mirror and didn't recognize the woman looking back at me. Who the fuck was she? Who the fuck was I? That was when I had a life changing epiphany... It was the mother of all "ah-ha" moments. I had a wake-up call that catapulted me back into the living...
I am not over. I am the one doing this to myself. I can do better. Let's go!
What followed was a series of insanity that involved hiring a life coach, getting a big fat divorce, losing 85 pounds, paying off all of my debt and making 5 figure months as an entrepreneur, ditching the toxicity in my life and last but certainly not least, learning to LOVE myself unconditionally.
Want to know how I did it? The answer is Intuitive Awareness. I learned how to pay attention to my life from the lens of the non-judgmental observer. I worked with my spiritual life coach to weekly for over a year at reframing my beliefs, thoughts, attachment and boundaries.
Never in a million years could I have done this alone. I had never been taught I single mindfulness skill (that actually works) in my life, and it was through my own personal transformation that I now teach this practice to others so they can transform and redesign their lives.
It takes a lot of strength to pull yourself out of rock bottom. The problem is that most people just continue to do what they've always done (with some small, unrisky modifications) and find themselves looping in old patterns that keeps them small and unfulfilled. Right?
If this sounds like you, and you are done doing this alone... take my hand. I've got you. I see you. You matter...
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